Why we don’t recommend couples counseling for abusive relationships.A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes. Demand-withdraw patterns in marital conflict in the home. Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: The role of gender and age. The dyadic construction of romantic conflict recovery sabotage. The silent treatment: An abuser's controlling tactic. Abuse and mental illness: Is there a connection? (2015).You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy. We link primary sources - including studies, scientific references, and statistics - within each article and also list them in the resources section at the bottom of our articles. Medical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and draws only from peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. Try to avoid escalating the situation or provoking the person who is silent into speaking. Counselors call this “taking a time-out.” Avoid unhelpful responses In these cases, it can be helpful for each person to take some time to cool off before getting together to discuss the issue calmly. They may be afraid of saying something that makes the situation worse. Sometimes, a person may give someone the silent treatment because they are too angry, hurt, or overwhelmed to speak. Cool off and arrange a time to resolve the issue However, they may need to apologize if they have said or done something that may have hurt the other person’s feelings. Apologize for words or actionsĪ person should not apologize or blame themselves for another person’s use of the silent treatment, as the silence is how their partner chooses to respond. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. Try to stay present and listen empathically. Avoid becoming defensive or going into problem-solving mode. This lets them know that their feelings are important and valid, and it paves the way for an open conversation. Acknowledge the other person’s feelingsĪsk the other person to share their feelings. This type of statement focuses on the feelings and beliefs of the speaker rather than any characteristics they attribute to the other person. I would like to find a way to resolve this.” For example, the person on the receiving end may say: “I’m feeling hurt and frustrated that you aren’t speaking to me. Use ‘I’ statementsĪ person can let the other person know how they feel by using “I” statements. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively. If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches: Name the situationĪcknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. How a person responds to the silent treatment depends on whether or not their partner is being abusive. Over time, emotional abuse often escalates to physical violence. withholding affection, such as sexual activity.threatening to harm themselves, pets, or loved ones.using intimidating behavior, threatening them, or giving them ultimatums.humiliating them in front of others or on social media.controlling whether or not they go to work or school.controlling all their finances and spending.isolating them from their family and friends.demanding access to their phone, email account, and other digital information.In addition to the silent treatment, a person might use other types of emotional abuse to control their partner, such as: they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior.they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty.they talk to other people but not to their partner.the silence only ends when they decide it does.the silence lasts for extended periods of time.they intend to hurt another person with their silence.A person may be using silence in an abusive way if:
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